Marriage is a contract between adults, and when it ends, the matter is between the adults also. Yet no parental action has a greater impact on children. Children love their parents and want to be with them. Even in times of great stress, parents have a responsibility to conduct their legal matters airs in a manner that will protect their children from adult conflicts. At a minimum, children are entitled to the following Bill of Rights:
1. Neither parent shall deny the child reasonable use of the telephone to place and receive calls with the other parent and relatives.
2. Neither parent shall speak or write derogatory remarks about the other parent to the child or engage in abusive, coarse, or foul language, which can be overheard by the child whether or not the language involves the other parent.
3. Neither parent shall permit the children to overhear arguments, negotiations, or other substantive discussions about legal or business dealings between the parents.
4. Neither parent shall physically or psychologically attempt to pressure, attempt to influence, pressure, or influence the children concerning the personal opinion or position of the child concerning legal proceedings between the parents.
5. Each parent will permit the child to display photographs of the other parent or both parents in the child’s room.
6. Neither parent shall communicate moral judgments about the other parent to the child concerning the other parent’s choice of values, lifestyle, choice of friends, successes or failures in life (career, financial, relational) or residential choice.
7. The parents will acknowledge to the child that the childhas two homes although the child may spend more time at one home than the other.
8. The parents shall cooperate to the greatest extent practicable in sharing time with the child.
9. Each parent will permit the child to retain, and allow easy access to, correspondence, greeting cards, and other written materials received from the other parent.
10. Each parent will respect the physical integrity of items possessed by the child which depict the other parent or remind the child of the other parent.
11. Neither parent will trivialize, or deny the existence of the other parent to the child.
12. Neither parent will interrogate the child about the other parent nor will either parent discourage comments bythe child about the other parent.
13. Neither parent will intercept, “lose”, derail, “forget” or otherwise interfere with communications to the child from the other parent.
14. Neither parent will refuse to acknowledge that the child can have or should have good experiences with the other parent.
15. Neither parent will directly or indirectly attack or criticize to the child the extended family of the other parent, the other parent’s career, the living and travel arrangements of the other parent, or lawful activities of the other parent or associates of the other parent.
16. Neither parent will use the child as a “middleman” by using the child to communicate with the other parent on inappropriate topics.
17. Neither parent will undermine the other parent in the eyes of the child by engaging in the “circumstantial syndrome” which is done by manipulating, changing, or rearranging facts.
18. Neither parent will create for, or exaggerate to, the child differences between the parents.
19. Neither parent will say and do things to gain the child as an “ally” against the other parent.
20. Neither parent will encourage or instruct the child to be disobedient to the other parent, stepparents, or relatives.
21. Neither parent will reward the child to act negatively toward the other parent.
22. Neither parent will try to make the child believe he or she loves the child more than the other parent, by, for example, saying that he or she loves the child more than the other parent or over-informing the child on adult topics or overindulging the child.
23. Neither parent will discuss child support issues with the child.
24. Neither parent will engage in judgmental, opinionated, or negative commentary, physical inspections, or interrogations once the child arrives from his/her other home.
25. Neither parent will “rewrite” or “re-script” facts which the child originally knows to be different.
26. Neither parent will punish the child physically or threaten such punishment to influence the child to adopt the parent’s negative program, if any, against the other parent
Ron Deal, Parenting After Divorce, E-booklet