Marriage with Mari: Are You Controlling?

A controlling person is someone who is demanding, has to be right, blames others for their problems or refuses to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and words.  They make those around them feel small, embarrassed, or humiliated. A controlling person and allowing a controlling person in your marriage is not God’s will for a healthy marriage.

Here’s a look at 12 signs that might suggest someone has a controlling personality.

  • They make you think everything’s your fault
  • They criticize you all the time
  • Demanding your attention constantly and gradually isolating you from friends and family
  • They keep score
  • They underplay your experience by lying or accusing you of being overly sensitive
  • They create drama
  • They intimidate you
  • They’re moody
  • They don’t take ‘no’ for an answer
  • They’re unreasonably jealous
  • They try to change you
  • They may show abusive behavior

What is the root or cause of a controlling person?

At the heart of a controlling person is pride, and insecurity. They need to control to feel valuable, important. Control is a way to protect themselves from hurt, or pain. The root cause of insecurity is fear.

What does God say?

 But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Gal 5:22 Amp.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary [a]edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, [b]clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Eph. 4:29-32 NKJV

God desires our marriage to reflect Him in our words, actions, and attitudes.  There is no place for a controlling person in a healthy, godly marriage.

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